White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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