I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
