What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
