I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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