he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
