yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
