She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
