Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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