yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
why do cheetos always look like penises
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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