My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
