So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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