He uses pillows to masturbate.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
