the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
