His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
