You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This baby is an asshole
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
