I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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