i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
