ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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