i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sarcasm needs its own font
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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