I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
