3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
