Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
