i don't like sucking hair
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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