I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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