I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it because I queefed?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
