my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Mom said you looked used
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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