Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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