no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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