I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
