Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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