How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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