my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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