I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
