nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
