no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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