my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
