Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
