"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
