sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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