Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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