i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
