Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
