I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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