I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
