I feel like I'm in dance class right now
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
