Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
