it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
