You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
