i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
