I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
