hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
