I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
