Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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